Learning how to communicate my needs and balance my polyamorous life

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Five years ago, when I first began dating as a married woman in an open relationship, I wasn’t sure what kind of man would come my way. It felt nice to no longer try to hide the fact that I was married for fear of rejection or to be seen as some aberration. I found the open nature of my situation to be like a big neon flag: I’m married!

However, as I began my foray into dating after never really dating before (I met my husband at 22), describing it as challenging would be an understatement.

First off, I…

Is it better to take things slow or jump in headfirst to your new relationship?

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The day I met my ex-boyfriend in person after a few weeks of emailing and texting back and forth, it was like someone had poured gasoline on an already raging fire. It was hot and passionate from the beginning, and our desire to be together only increased with each subsequent meeting.

Our relationship burned hot for several months. Each moment we kissed, each carefully planned rendezvous was more fervent than the last, and I carefully ticked off the time in between our meetings. …

Some pandemic memories are worth forgetting.

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The last year has not been good to some of us. We have tried to weather the storm caused by the COVID-19 pandemic by cautiously and optimistically navigating a new and unknown world of dating during these so-called “unprecedented times.”

Subsequently, we have tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy by meeting others in a safe manner while also keeping our human urges at bay with the thought that having to get closer than 6 feet to anyone might actually cost you your life, as well as the lives of everyone around you. …

What happens when your experience level doesn’t match your partner’s?

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I put on my dating profile that I am a writer. Naturally, my potential dates will ask me what I write about.

“My experiences with sex and relationships” is what I tell them.

This always turns out to be a great conversation starter because it seems to really intrigue people that writing about your relationships and sexual experiences can garner attention from a wide audience of curious and inquisitive individuals from all walks of life.

They often will ask to read a few of my articles and I happily share them — it is a great way to share some…

Should you roll around in the sheets on your first date or is it sending the wrong message?

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A guy friend of mine told me long ago that I shouldn’t have sex on the first date. When I pressed him for why this mattered — I mean, I’m an independent, sexually liberated woman who should have sex if she feels like it — he cautioned me against it.

They won’t respect you if you sleep with them on the first date.

I scoffed at this remark. Why wouldn’t they respect me if they’re willing to have sex with me? …

Not all relationships look the same, but can we be comfortable with that?

Photo by Farida Davletshina on Unsplash

I sat around the table in the sunshine with my girlfriends. We were laughing together as we shared stories about our week and ate a mishmash of homemade treats. It felt good to sit with a group of women finding commonalities in our lives. We not only work together, but we share a friendship outside of the workplace that has only grown stronger during the pandemic.

As one of them finished her story, I excitedly tell them the news: I just got a new article published.

“That’s great! What’s it about?” one of them asks.

I anticipated that would be…

You don’t have to commit to just one role during sex. Why not switch it up and try both?

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With a highly demanding career where I am confronted with being in control of people all day long, then coming home to continue wifey duties and motherhood, it is no wonder that I like letting go and being the submissive in bed. I can forget the pressure of telling someone what to do and when to do it and just follow orders. It is a release that I don’t get in other avenues of my life.

But sometimes those moments of taking orders and succumbing to someone else’s idea of fun can cause my inner control freak to surface; suddenly…

While three’s a crowd, there are steps you can take to make it fun for everyone.

Image by Gracini Studios from Pixabay

I was introduced to the world of threesomes when I was 24 years old. My ex-boyfriend, who I had still been seeing as a friend with benefits, broached the subject as a way to celebrate his birthday with me and his ex-girlfriend. As someone who is always game to try something twice, I agreed.

A giver by nature, it was no surprise that I spent the majority of the night in that seedy hotel smelling of stale beer and cigarettes giving 110% of myself. I awkwardly tried to please my ex-boyfriend while trying desperately not to worry about the messy…

Blindfolds and cuffs and dirty talk oh my!

Image by Klaus Hausmann from Pixabay

What comes to mind when you hear people say they are kinky? Do you envision BDSM sex dungeons full of torture devices like whips and chains? Or perhaps you have watched kinky porn with scantily-clad women hanging upside-down ball-gags in their mouths and nipple clamps on their breasts?

You may think to yourself that with these kinds of descriptions you would never consider the world of kink, but with the right partner, experimenting with kinks can be both exciting and liberating.

One of my favorite nights of kinky fun was at the swingers club. I was there with some girlfriends…

You know you want to risk it, you just don’ want to get caught.

Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

I dated a guy recently who was one of those “I’m up for anything — anytime, anywhere” types. We both got a thrill out of doing things that were risque and adventurous and sex was no different.

Camping out in the woods one weekend in an unestablished campground, we found ourselves walking down to the nearby river to cool off after we set-up camp.

As we waded around in the knee-high water, I eyed a large, flattish rock in the middle of the river that looked big enough to hold us both. I suggested to him that we move over…

M. Howard

Mother. Wife. Friend. Lover. Self. All of them at once and sometimes none at all. I write to explore relationships and to help make sense of the world.

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